God loves me

i was feeling down and confused about some stuff, especially with regards to 2Cor 6 "do not be yoked with unbelievers"

and though i know it, it wasnt speaking to me, and at some point this morning i felt really dry and though my heart was telling me to follow the Bible, follow God's way, telling me that He loves me and nothing else matters, my mind was saying just heck it, just go ahead and not listen to God.

so i went down matbay and took a walk. and i walked and talked. first i tried sorting things out by myself, which didnt work. and at one point of time, i felt so terrible and miserable i cried out to God - my heart's telling me You're there, my mind's telling me otherwise. if You're there give me a sign, speak to me, touch me, tell me something.. then i really longed to see a dolphin, because well i love them ALOT and i havent seen one yet... 

and 30seconds later, this fin appeared RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. and i knew, i knew it was God's creation, God sent him. then another one appeared. and they were fully playing and frolicking in front of me less than 5m away. 

AND i almost cried. i shouted out THANK YOU GOD :) and the people must've thought i was mad. 

and after about 5 minutes, they fully disappeared. 

i know what God wants me to do

i know God LOVES ME 

i'm basking in His love :)

there's no better feeling

no more awesome love to be in 

Praise God :)

sian or spiritual attack?

im tired.

i dont know why

perhaps it was the lecture which took forever just now. clinical practice lecture.

or maybe its cos... of a spiritual attack

whatever it is, i dont know what.

anyway

i just dont have the energy to do any work. somehow.

and i might be going to the beach later.

on another note, rach lum might be coming back. and she wants to stay with us, us being amelea, cynthia and i

thats if cynthia stays.

it's gonna be exciting i think.

but i dont know what to expect.

no house (yet), no confirmations etc.

amelea's birthday on friday

prayer meeting tomorrow night, FNL friday night.

i reckon i'll go for friday's only

shouldnt go if i cant give 100% right?

says hooi.

anyway. should stop this rot.

sigh.

NS, fasting, amongst others

had normal systems test today. not sure how i'll do, but hopefully i'll pass. anatomy was easy, but some physiology was really hard. anyway, its all in God's hands. amazingly enough, im not nervous/anxious (maybe i should be) i was effectively praying and talking to God throughout the whole paper. mostly during rest stations and for the stations that were super easy and stuff. which was good i guess. 

im fasting now. for 7 days (thinking of increasing to 10). on nothing but fruit and veg only and only for dinner. part of FCC's prayer month. its not about me, its not about losing weight and stuff, but about God, growing closer to Him, walking with Him, being HUNGRY FOR HIM and refocussing on Him as well. and i think on a more personal basis, i know that i've been mistreating my body (making it sleep super little as well) so at least for this time i'm looking to sleep and rest more and honour the body God has given me. 

BPD and prayer month has been quite insightful so far. going through the basics, speaking with God, its all been awesome. im still struggling with something, but hopefully i'll slowly let go. i DO want to let go, its just now all about trusting that God will guide me and i can step into His armour and all

mum and dad just went back. and they left a whole lot of food. but im fasting (and they dont know) so i gave it all away/giving it all away. i feel quite bad to, but i decided on this fast before i got the food, so changing my fasting dates would be like saying to God: my food is more important than You, so im not gonna do it 

somehow these days im filled with this longing for more of God at times, and at times i feel like i can do it my own way. spiritual attack, perhaps. but no. i know there is no other way but God's way. His way and not mine. so gotta keep praying and sticking and having FAITH :) 

rach's here, off to town to buy stuff with ophee :) buddy time at last.